Few dilemmas are as universal within family life as the question of how far children should submit to their parents' judgement. Some hold that children ought invariably to follow parental advice, while others contend that they should be left to make their own decisions. This essay will explore both positions before setting out my own view.
The argument for deference has considerable force. Parents command a depth of experience that their children cannot yet possess, and are consequently better equipped to foresee consequences and to separate prudent choices from perilous ones, be it in matters of health, education or companionship. Since their guidance springs from genuine love and a desire for their children's welfare, it is generally honest and sound, and a child who follows it may avoid a great deal of avoidable suffering.
Yet habitual obedience has its dangers too. Children who merely comply may never develop the capacity for independent thought and can become debilitatingly reliant on others. Making one's own decisions, and occasionally erring, is often the surest teacher, forging the confidence and self-reliance that mature life requires. Every child is, moreover, a distinct individual whose aspirations may diverge sharply from those of the parents who raised them.
In my view, the soundest approach reconciles these truths through a gradual transfer of autonomy. While young children, short on experience, are wise to follow parental counsel, they should be granted steadily greater latitude as they mature. Ultimately, children flourish when they enjoy both the protective wisdom of their parents and the liberty to choose, and eventually to answer, for themselves.